What our parents say or didn’t say impacts the quality of sex we have

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Countless studies have shown how parents shape the relationship we have with ourselves and others. It’s no surprise that what our parents say or don’t say impacts our sex life too.

Those who shielded us under the guise of preserving our innocence taught us to shame, those who feared our changing body and our growing curiosity taught us contempt. And those who said nothing left us at the mercy of friends and the internet.

Today more people realize the importance of communication and a healthy sex life. …


If Sex is the glue that bonds us together then what happens when porn, vibrators and sex toys do a better job at pleasing our partners…

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I barged into his bedroom ready to swipe the feather duster off the bed when the force of the door knocked the wardrobe sending the box on top of it tumbling down. Strewn on the floor were DVDs after DVDs of women who looked nothing like me.

-Women with huge asses and gigantic tits

-Women with tattoos and piercings in odd places.

-Women who could spread their legs and contort their bodies in the most uncomfortable positions.

My heart raced at a mile a minute, the bitterness or betrayal sunk into my stomach, causing knots and mini ulcers. …


There is more to the story than what meets the eye.

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It all started when I fell for a backhanded-handed compliment.

I was at the Candy and Snack aisle when a young man walked up to me and said, “you look like an ancient Nubian queen … is that your hair?” No, I smiled; these are braids, Jamaican twists to be exact. I’ve always known black women don’t have hair, he said, but you’re pretty, so I’ll give you a pass. What’s your name?

I wanted to tell him off and on walk away, but something made me stay. Perhaps it was the familiar feeling of being torn down then put…


Technique matters more than you think it does.

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Most of us masturbate in the same fashion: quick, quiet, and orgasm-focused. But masturbation can offer more than just pleasure and climax. It can remedy more than just headaches, insomnia, and stress.

I first learned of this in my first year of university, and it was all thanks to Naomi.

Naomi was smart, confident, magnetic, and sexually liberated. She was nothing like me: conservative, shy and close-minded. But as fate would have it, we became best friends. We got along like peanut butter and jelly and moved together like booty butt cheeks. …


They hold the power to heal our sexual shame”

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A wise friend once said, “No great sex ever started with she was quiet and coy”… He was right.

In the past I was the type of lover that would lie there motionless with limbs splattered on the bed like a starfish. Why? because I had perky breasts, a well groomed vagina and a pretty face. I thought that was all it took to be great at sex.

I was wrong!

As I grew into my sexuality and embraced it in all its forms, I realized, that moaners, groaners, and screamers are the best women to bed. Not only because…


Read on to find out why.

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I was once with a man who was quiet as a church mouse. Each time we engaged in fellacio he would he would hold his breath and clench his jaws in an attempt to keep his cool. When a hiss escaped his lips he would quickly contain himself. It was a buzz kill because he spent more energy keeping his cool than enjoying sex.

I wanted him to lose control, to break all barriers and just be in the moment. But he couldn’t. And I couldn’t bring myself to ask him either. Sex became a war of wills. His will…


This might be what you needed to up your game.

Sensuous nude couple joining hands graciously. Photo by Dih Andréa from Pexels

I discovered my clitoris by accident. I didn’t know what it was or what it looked like. All I knew was that when I cleaned myself after peeing, something felt good. One day I decided to investigate this sensation.

I laid down with my legs apart, eager to learn parts of my body that were both mysterious and shameful. I felt my way through my panties, past the labia majora, labia minora, and landed on a soft, tender tissue that was somewhat sensitive to touch. Curiously I taped on- it felt good. As I increased the pressure rhythmically, the pleasure…


Here is the science to back it up.

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A friend once said 9 out of 10 people masturbate, and the tenth person is a liar. She was right, masturbation is one of the first things we learn to do in the womb. This curiosity continues with us through toddlerhood, childhood and adulthood. But somewhere in our formative years we learn that self-pleasuring is wrong.

Growing up, I remember the shame around masturbation and sex. I remember how adults tiptoed around the subject claiming the slightest knowledge would destroy our innocence.

I remember how religious instructors preached that our bodies were temples that housed God and masturbation would threaten…


Let us settle this once and for all.

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Gone are the days when sex meant inserting a penis into a vagina. Today sex is work, and it’s doesn’t just involve exchanging body fluids. It encompasses giving and receiving pleasure. But what happens when you’re don’t enjoy giving oral sex and your value as a lover hinges on your ability and willingness to do it.

I asked 15 heterosexual men whether they perform oral sex on their partners. A handful said they do and thoroughly enjoyed it, while those who didn’t gave reasons such as:

  • The pussy is right next to the anus. It’s hard enjoying a “meal” when…


The solution is in plain sight.

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The most resilient isn’t the one with strength, but the one who falls and gets back up no matter what. The secret lies in the human body. For years spiritual teachers have whispered, “true strength comes from within.” Meaning strength lies in resilience, and resilience depends on one’s ability to be present with his/her emotions.

Yet society teaches us a different lesson. We’re rewarded for suppressing, denying, and disowning our emotions. We are told to be happy at all times. To never to express anger, sadness, or disappointment. This suppression of emotion has cut us from our essence.

When we…

Dona Mwiria

I have a Masters degree in Biochemistry. I write about science, sexuality and relationships. If you enjoy my work you can buy me a coffee here: buymeacoff.ee/Do

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