An algorithm won’t help us this time, but ancient wisdom can!

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Dating is so much harder now, said Caroline as she sniffled through the phone. Her voice cracked. I could tell she’d been crying, this was her 10th date, and with each failure, she grew despondent. Not even I could convince her to hold on to hope. But somehow, I manage to say, “you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”.

I didn’t believe those words, but at that time, it seemed fitting.

Truth is, the dating game is much more complicated now. Gone are the days when a suitor would patiently woo us, fetch us…

Female sexuality is gaining the recognition it deserves and it’s a win-win.

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Pornography has garnered quite a reputation since it first came out. It has evoked so much negativity that many have overlooked the positive impact in closing the orgasm gap.

For those who don’t know, the “orgasm gap” is that women in heterosexual relationships achieve far less orgasm than their male counterparts, mainly because the focus of sex has been penis, penetration, and ejaculation.

Today more and more women actively seeking sexual pleasure and prioritize their orgasms. And what are they turning to?… yep, you guessed it, PORN.

A whopping 89% of women admit to watching porn, not out of curiosity…

What our parents say or didn’t say impacts the quality of sex we have

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Countless studies have shown how parents shape the relationship we have with ourselves and others. It’s no surprise that what our parents say or don’t say impacts our sex life too.

Those who shielded us under the guise of preserving our innocence taught us to shame, those who feared our changing body and our growing curiosity taught us contempt. And those who said nothing left us at the mercy of friends and the internet.

Today more people realize the importance of communication and a healthy sex life. …

If Sex is the glue that bonds us together then what happens when porn, vibrators and sex toys do a better job at pleasing our partners…

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I barged into his bedroom ready to swipe the feather duster off the bed when the force of the door knocked the wardrobe sending the box on top of it tumbling down. Strewn on the floor were DVDs after DVDs of women who looked nothing like me.

-Women with huge asses and gigantic tits

-Women with tattoos and piercings in odd places.

-Women who could spread their legs and contort their bodies in the most uncomfortable positions.

My heart raced at a mile a minute, the bitterness or betrayal sunk into my stomach, causing knots and mini ulcers. …

There is more to the story than what meets the eye.

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It all started when I fell for a backhanded-handed compliment.

I was at the Candy and Snack aisle when a young man walked up to me and said, “you look like an ancient Nubian queen … is that your hair?” No, I smiled; these are braids, Jamaican twists to be exact. I’ve always known black women don’t have hair, he said, but you’re pretty, so I’ll give you a pass. What’s your name?

I wanted to tell him off and on walk away, but something made me stay. Perhaps it was the familiar feeling of being torn down then put…

Technique matters more than you think it does.

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Most of us masturbate in the same fashion: quick, quiet, and orgasm-focused. But masturbation can offer more than just pleasure and climax. It can remedy more than just headaches, insomnia, and stress.

I first learned of this in my first year of university, and it was all thanks to Naomi.

Naomi was smart, confident, magnetic, and sexually liberated. She was nothing like me: conservative, shy and close-minded. But as fate would have it, we became best friends. We got along like peanut butter and jelly and moved together like booty butt cheeks. …

They hold the power to heal our sexual shame”

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A wise friend once said, “No great sex ever started with she was quiet and coy”… He was right.

In the past I was the type of lover that would lie there motionless with limbs splattered on the bed like a starfish. Why? because I had perky breasts, a well groomed vagina and a pretty face. I thought that was all it took to be great at sex.

I was wrong!

As I grew into my sexuality and embraced it in all its forms, I realized, that moaners, groaners, and screamers are the best women to bed. Not only because…

Read on to find out why.

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I was once with a man who was quiet as a church mouse. Each time we engaged in fellacio he would he would hold his breath and clench his jaws in an attempt to keep his cool. When a hiss escaped his lips he would quickly contain himself. It was a buzz kill because he spent more energy keeping his cool than enjoying sex.

I wanted him to lose control, to break all barriers and just be in the moment. But he couldn’t. And I couldn’t bring myself to ask him either. Sex became a war of wills. His will…

This might be what you needed to up your game.

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I discovered my clitoris by accident. I didn’t know what it was or what it looked like. All I knew was that when I cleaned myself after peeing, something felt good. One day I decided to investigate this sensation.

I laid down with my legs apart, eager to learn parts of my body that were both mysterious and shameful. I felt my way through my panties, past the labia majora, labia minora, and landed on a soft, tender tissue that was somewhat sensitive to touch. Curiously I taped on- it felt good. As I increased the pressure rhythmically, the pleasure…

Here is the science to back it up.

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A friend once said 9 out of 10 people masturbate, and the tenth person is a liar. She was right, masturbation is one of the first things we learn to do in the womb. This curiosity continues with us through toddlerhood, childhood and adulthood. But somewhere in our formative years we learn that self-pleasuring is wrong.

Growing up, I remember the shame around masturbation and sex. I remember how adults tiptoed around the subject claiming the slightest knowledge would destroy our innocence.

I remember how religious instructors preached that our bodies were temples that housed God and masturbation would threaten…

Dona Mwiria

I have a Masters degree in Biochemistry. I write about science, sexuality and relationships. If you enjoy my work you can buy me a coffee here:

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